Dear Pastor Dan

Dear Pastor Dan,

It's been years.  I hope you're doing well and I pray your family is thriving and healthy.

I'm writing you today because of something you said to me so many years ago and I'm wondering if you understand the long-term and deeply unhealthy effects those words have had on me and my family. 

There were two pastors at the mega-church where we both served who made sweeping changes that impacted and changed the spiritual landscape of my family forever.  Those changes centered around my involvement in the church as Director of Drama Ministries and were based SOLELY on misinformation, judgment, condemnation, and the gossip of a few.

You said to me then, "Liz, you're on a dangerous path.  God has put these men in authority over you and your family.  You need to submit to that authority."

I wonder.  Is that the advice you have given to your own daughters?  "I know your pastor has yielded to gossip and innuendo, but God demands that you submit to that authority."  Or would you counsel a daughter in a bad marriage in this way? "I know your husband has assaulted you physically, mentally and spiritually, but this is the man God chose for you.  You must submit to his authority." (My abusive ex-husband used that tactic.)

Let me be VERY clear.  The Bible and scripture did NOT give those pastors the authority to undermine my involvement and leadership or to throw a child with a learning disability out of church because he was "too hard".  They used scripture as their excuse.  YOU used scripture as their excuse.  It was their sin that caused them to act with such thoughtless short-sidedness.  It was their sin - plain and simple. 

I wanted to serve God and to follow Him fully with all my heart, soul, gifts and talents.  I yielded to the whim and will of the good-old-boy religious hierarchy because I wanted to be a good Christian woman, wife and mother.  I did not want to be on the "wrong" path and I took your words to heart.

But you were wrong!

Scripture does NOT give authority to use, abuse, condemn, or throw out one of God's kids.  Women have been kept down by The Church for too long!  Enough is enough!

If there is reason for confrontation, Jesus laid out the steps that lead to reconciliation and restoration.  Anything short of those steps is wrong.  We must call it what it is - EVIL.

I followed the above mentioned steps and was pushed away over and over again.  I've accepted that there will never be restoration for me and my family.

I forgive you.

I forgive those good-old-boys who chose one another over truth.

I choose to love as Jesus loved, go where Jesus goes, and to tell the truth!  

I choose to call out evil when I see it.  

And to all the Pastor Dans out there, may your eyes be opened and may the scales fall from your eyes.  

Sill searching,

Liz Stoeckel

When The Pro-Life Church Is Pro-Abortion

The Church is nothing if not verbosely pro-life   Members march, rally, pray, and carry signs to try to put an end to the killing of innocent babies.

Here's the rub; The Church makes bold pro-life claims, but regularly practices abortion.   Viable human children of God are regularly and sometimes brutally aborted from The Body of Christ with no remorse. 

Woman seek abortions for a number of very personal reasons.  These reasons include inconvenience, the discovery of a birth defect in the child, the health of the mother, or simply because it's "my body; my choice".   None of these reasons are reasonable in the eye of the pro-life Christian zealots.   And yet, the very real practice of abortion is alive and well in today's Church.

A child has a developmental or physical disability and is deemed "too hard" by church leaders and volunteers. Abort!  Abort!

I work with families affected by disabilities and they all say that having that child or adult in their life is a gift.  The person with a disability often teaches them far more about patience, compassion, and unconditional love than they ever thought possible.   Sometimes they have front row seats to miracles they might not have seen otherwise. The Church often misses those opportunities.

A woman asks questions of a pastor or seeks to put an end to gossip (how dare she), and the pastor decides she's inconvenient. Abort!  Abort!

The pastor has no desire to be held accountable to a mere child of God and literally says, "my body, my choice". The health of the church is "at risk" when a dissenter asks too many questions. Abort!  Abort!

A person is found to have sinned or reveals a human weakness. Christians rise up and declare this person to be defective or "too weak" to contribute to The Body. Abort!  Abort!

No person is perfect. It takes some longer to mature than others.  How dare we look into the face of God and say, "this child of yours isn't viable".

In an almost unbelievable scenario, a Christian is engaged in "unapproved" extra curricular activities like Theatre or performing secular music and they're declared a danger to the reputation of the local church. Abort!  Abort!  

I don't know of any medical technology that would allow for aborted fetuses to be transplanted into another woman's womb, as the fetus is usually destroyed before being removed. But many woman become pregnant through in-vitro fertilization. The mother (or surrogate) must endure painful and intense medical treatments that prepare the body to host and care for the transplanted fetus.

In my experience, The Church is not prepared to love, accept, nurture, and host those who've been previously aborted from The Body.  Sometimes the aborted kids of God never heal enough to be grafted into another church. The bible speaks very clearly about how quickly body parts die when they are disconnected from the whole. How can The Church continue the practice of shunning and disconnection knowing the practice can (and often does) lead to people leaving The Church, turning their backs on God, and ultimately losing eternal life?

We simply cannot continue to profess respect for ALL life when we regularly support the practice of aborting God's kids from HIS Body!  We will be held accountable. 

Being Shunned

Hollywood producer, Robert Evans writes in his autobiography (The Kid Stays in the Picture) about surviving Hollywood’s worst gossip, lies, and character attacks.  He was able to just brush off what people said about him, apparently subscribing to the adage, “what people think about me is none of my business”.  Besides, he was no saint.  It took, however, just one horrible egregious lie by actress Sharon Stone to cause him to have a heart attack. The sexy star falsely accused Evans of murder.

Words matter. Anyone who says, “They’re just words – ignore them” has never suffered true character assassination by a cruel person wielding the ax of gossip and lies.

Over the course of the past few months I’ve suffered numerous anxiety attacks.  Once I left a partially filled cart in the grocery store, and another time I carried my unstamped (and therefore unsent) packages out of the post office.  No, I haven’t been accused of murder, but I HAVE been accused of putting a hit out on a former friend.  A HIT!!

The accusation has been affirmed and confirmed.  This woman has made a myriad of crazy allegations against me over the years.  She once accused me of threatening her entire family, so this isn’t new.  I have confronted her about her allegations and gossip.  She sat across a table from me, pointed her finger in my face, and told me she had proof that I was “weak”, a “victim-wannabe” and then added,  “I have no choice but to assume you’re jealous of me.”

But putting a hit out on her?  She has insisted that her informant was a “reliable source”.

Now on one hand, I finally understand all the strange things that have been going on whenever I showed up at the church in which she is a leader and teacher.  Her husband denied me communion, she herself snubbed, shunned, and walked away from me whenever I got close enough to say hello.  One day she even stood with her arms folded behind me during a church service while I sat innocently in my seat listening to the sermon.  I don’t think her eyes ever left me.  Finally, I became so uncomfortable that I left.

On the other hand, what kind of a person makes this kind of crazy accusation?

As soon as I confirmed the truth of the situation, I contacted a pastor at the church who knows my history with this woman.  I was looking for counsel on how to deal with this new accusation.  The pastor told me to “keep your mouth shut and let God be your defender”.

Listen, I’ve written ad nauseam about the damage this woman and her friends have caused my family.  We don’t deserve this!  If saying those words out loud makes me a “victim-wannabe” then so be it! 

The fact that this woman and her friends are Christians is relevant ONLY in that when there is conflict, we are supposed to confront one another in love and for the purpose of reconciliation (Matthew 18).  It is NOT okay – EVER – to spread gossip or to LIE.

 I’ve always followed the Biblical steps of confrontation and reconciliation.  I remember one man defending his own slams against me by turning the tables and making accusations against me.  When I denied his claims, he called me a liar.  The truth is, I’ve never seen the steps in Matthew 18 actually work.  I don’t believe people want reconciliation and restoration, but rather they just want to be right. 

The attacks from this woman and her friends have done life-altering damage to my family and me.  I lost so much – a job, a best friend, an entire church family, and my kids lost their faith.  I do NOT blame The Church for the bad choices or for the dark path my kids took.  I do, however, believe that we ALL do things we wish we hadn’t done when we are in deep never-ending pain.

Like us, our kids lost every friend they had when we were originally kicked out of this woman’s church, AND they watched as their mother was knocked down and beat up again and again by our family “friends”.  They watched me seek restoration with these Christian friends (many times), only to be told that because I worked for The Theatre, I was a danger to their reputation.  It was devastating for ALL of us. 

Are we victims?  NO!!  We’re survivors.  But here’s a fact: For every action there’s a reaction.  My kids walked away from The Church, from God, and from their faith because of how we as a family were treated.  The ugliness towards us has NEVER ended and no matter how deep my faith is nothing can change the fact that my kids have seen (and are seeing) so much ugly.

These people caused deep unnecessary pain and we suffered.  We truly felt as if one day we were out riding our bicycles on a beautiful warm day when out of nowhere a semi-truck deliberately ran us over.  And then, to add insult to injury, we were blamed for riding our bikes – for being human. 

You know, when a Christian mom and dad lose a child to disease or sudden accident that family is embraced, loved and never forgotten.   But, I’ve had people stop me at church to tell me my kids “deserved to be kicked out of church”, and will “never be saved”.  Ummm….so, if (according to you) my kids are dead in Christ, where is your compassion?  Where are your prayers and friendship?  Why am I shunned? 

Some of you have expressed a great deal of impatience with me.  “Move on.” “Let it go.” “Ignore these people.”   I move on and the gossip follows me!  I’m tired of you telling me that I’M a bad witness.  Just by telling our story?  You have no problem talking about the evils of the Westboro Baptist Church, or denouncing the Sudanese for sentencing a Christian woman to death for her beliefs.  But, I share our story of abuse in the name of religion and I’M a bad witness.  Is there no one who sees that as hypocritical?

Am I still bemoaning something that happened years ago?  No!!  I’m frustrated that YEARS LATER these people continue to rip at my family and no one will defend, affirm, or protect us!

The Barna group has written books about how The Church has driven away an entire generation of young people.  David Kinneman wrote (or co-wrote) “You Lost Me” and “UnChristian” and preachers teach the truths from these books in churches all over the country.  Another book detailing the disconnect between what we say and what we do is “The Hole in our Gospel” by Richard Stearns.  And yet I DARE to tell our story – to put names and faces on the anecdotes we read in books, and I’m shamed.

Because you profess to be a Christian, you have a responsibility to me just as I have to you.  I firmly believe that if ONE person had stood up with courage and told the truth years ago, we would not be in this scary place today.  This woman and her friends have been allowed to terrorize my family, and no one speaks up.

Perhaps I’ve misread the Bible.  Perhaps the God of mercy, grace, forgiveness, and unconditional love is not real at all.  Perhaps He IS a judgmental, condemning, hate-filled being who really does not want me in His kingdom – just as you don’t want me in your church.  

Perhaps.  But I KNOW who Jesus is, and guess what? He loves my family.  It is HIS desire that we spend eternity with Him.  I will CONTINUE to be a Christ-follower because I know the Son of God.  I know his character, his compassion, his mercy, his grace, his miraculous works, and his unconditional love.

Robert Evans wrote a check to Sharon Stone for $250,000.  That check is hers if she can corroborate one word of her heinous story.  I’ll make the same offer - $250,000 to this woman who has made this horrendous accusation against me if she can prove I put a hit out on her!   Come see me, and bring your “reliable source”.  The money is yours – unless I first spend it all on therapy and anti-anxiety meds.

The Bride?

"Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish."  Ephesians 5:25-27 

The Church is called "The Bride of Christ", a "city on a hill", and "salt and light".  In fact in Matthew 5:14, Jesus tells his listeners, "You are the light of the world. A city that is set on a hill cannot be hidden."  We, The Church, cannot be hidden.

I have many unchurched, dechurched (they used to attend church), or unchristian friends.  They tell me the reason they don't go to church is simple; they see the way we treat one another (gossip, judge, lie, manipulate, etc…), and they want nothing to do with that environment.  Christians say, "Don't look to me, I'm only human.  Look to God."  But people ARE looking to us.

Imagine going to a wedding.  You are a guest of the groom, and you've never met the bride.  You love the groom and you respect and trust him.

The groom stands at the alter, awaiting his wife-to-be.  His groomsmen stand in support.  The bridesmaids wear matching purple gowns, adorned with gold cord and rhinestones; each one more beautiful than the next.  Their smiles outshine the sun's rays pouring in through stained glass church windows.  "This", you think, "is what Jesus envisioned when he called us 'The Bride'."

The music swells.  The groom's intended appears at the end of the flower-lined aisle.  

You're surprised.  No, you're shocked.  Her dress is tattered, her makeup is smeared, her unkempt hair has not been brushed in a month, and she's staggering and stammering.  She stops to flirt with every male guest in the room.  She even stops to touch a man - whose wife tugs on his arm.  Who is this woman?

Your friend never takes his eyes off the dirty, haggard bride.  He loves her.  He clearly thinks she's the most beautiful woman he's ever seen.  

It's tough to not be unnerved by the woman's inappropriate behavior, but you trust the groom.  And so, you relax.

After the wedding, the new husband invites all his friends to come to his home.  "Come," he says, "you’re all welcome."  But his wife doesn't receive you into their home with acceptance.  She criticizes your clothes, your friends, the gift you brought to the wedding, how you spend your free time…even your work.  She drinks too much, flirts with every man she sees, judges her neighbors, and keeps a dirty house.  

Her husband loves her still.

I believe The Church was designed by God to be looked at and to be seen.  We are to be an example and reflection of who Jesus is.  We're a "city on a hill", the "light of the world"…the bride!  It's as if God expected all eyes to be on us.  He expected the world’s eyes to turn toward us.

People are watching us.  And, how will they know we are Christians?  It's very simple really.  John 13:35 gives us the easy answer: "By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."  We can be so cruel to one another.  We, The Bride, mistreat the friends of The Groom.  But people are watching us, and I believe God designed it that way.  

In the scenario I've painted here, it's painfully obvious to see why the groom's friends stop going to his house.  They love him, they even miss him, but they just can't be around the bride.  She mistreats the friends AND the man she married.  His house is not a place of warmth and acceptance, love and joy.  It's a place of judgment, condemnation, jealousy, and pride.  

Christ will present us to God spotless and blameless, but how will we present Christ to the world?  We’re being watched, and they’ll know we’re his disciples if we love one another.

Putting Community Ahead of Self

Colleen, Me, Eleni,

Nomvula, and Chloe

I'm so glad that Giana has the opportunity to work side by side with Christian people who actually put Community ahead of self. I experienced it with her in Malawi, and that same kind of "others" thinking was evident at Refilwe from day one.

A friend of mine was in Swaziland last month and in one of her Facebook posts she praised the people in the village where they'd set up camp for the way they worked together as a family and team. It's as God would have it to be. I haven't experienced too much of that here in America, and I suspect it's because we simply have too much. We dump our friends without thought, knowing there are new friends right around the corner. Business owners can mistreat employees because there are dozens of people anxious for a job. On and on it goes.

We absolutely need one another here in America, but we are often just too selfish, jealous, independent, or just plain mean to acknowledge or recognize that fact. 

I've said this before, but it bears reiterating here. One of the reasons I'm drawn to Theatre is because it's a place where people from varying walks of life, differing beliefs, and a wide range of philosophies all come together and work in harmony for the good of the whole - for the purpose of doing good work. 

My friend Rhonda told me she didn't need me because she had other strong women in her life and I wasn't strong enough. After fifteen years of friendship I was now expendable. Because she didn't need me, she undermined my reputation, made assumptions about my motives and character, and was a major factor in me loosing my job, my circle of friends (I thought they were friends), and eventually being told to leave our church home.

Oh sure, there's drama among the people in Africa - they are human after all - but where the needs are the greatest, the love, acceptance, and tolerance is also the greatest.

St. Francis of Assisi said, "Preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary use words." I see this philosophy lived out in other parts of the world, but here in America most Christians talk the talk far better than they walk the walk. That is my personal experience, so please don't accuse me of generalizing.

I was once passed over for a role in a church production. I was told that since I co-wrote the piece it wouldn't be "fair" for me to also get an acting role. I completely respected the ministry leader for his decision. 

A few days after the production cast list was posted I got a call from the woman who got the role I auditioned for. Karin told me she'd harbored bad feelings towards me and she wanted me to know that she'd been so upset with me that she'd gone forward during prayer time to deal with her anger. She said, "My husband told me they were going to give you the role in the production, but I told him that wasn't fair.  I asked for prayer and I just want you to know that I'm no longer angry with you. God is good."

What!? In one phone call I learned that I had been considered for the role but it was my friend who'd convinced the powers that be that it wouldn't be "fair", and that instead of being happy for me she was angry with me for something her husband had told her.  But, I was supposed to be grateful because she'd "prayed about it" and now it was all good. Everything about that exchange was in direct opposition to what Jesus taught us about relationship, conflict, and resolution. I was broken, but she was spiritually cleansed. Ugh.

The same kind of thing happened a few years ago on the last night of my first trip to Africa. We'd had a GREAT three weeks of relationship building with some of the most needy yet happiest people I'd ever met. Daniel was a student leader on our team and he asked to talk to me.

Daniel:  Liz, can I talk to you?

Me:  Sure, come on in.

Daniel:  During our study time tonight, God revealed to me that I've had anger in my heart toward you, and I need to confess it and make it right.

Me:  Oh Daniel, I'm so sorry. What did I do to make you angry?

Daniel:  Nothing. You just bug me. God showed me that I needed to tell you I wasn't mad at you anymore. Bless you Liz.

I was left sitting in the middle of the room - devastated. He manipulated scripture to show his spiritual pride, while at the same time crushing me. There are a number of scriptures that teach conflict resolution, but not liking someone is a personal conflict, and should've been handled personally. 

I've seen this again and again and again. Christians use the Bible as a weapon to kill and destroy those that get in their way, "bug" them, or who have specks in their eye, while all the time failing to see the plank in their own eye.

1 Corinthians 13 is widely known as "The Love Chapter" and its words are often recited at weddings.  Let's all say it together, "Love is patient; Love is kind; Love does not envy or boast..." yada yada.  That particular chapter of the Bible is actually an admonition. The Corinthian Church had become proud and they considered themselves better than everyone else.  Not only did they note all the specks in everyone else's eye while ignoring the planks in their own eyes, but they didn't want the old speck-eyes anywhere near the country club they called "church".  

That kind of Corinthian mentality is all too common in today's Church. Again - this is my personal experience. The Christian Church is growing in other parts of the world, while attendance and membership is plummeting here in America. I believe it's because we have so much and we do not recognize our need for one another. We've become selfish, independent, finger-pointing elitists.

Is it any wonder I want to go back to Africa where the need is great, and the love is greater? Again, I'm so very grateful that Giana has the opportunity to work alongside Christians who put community ahead of self.

Mikey Cleave - Refilwe Volunteer.  Love!

Lessons From Dorothy

Someone told me this past weekend that I reminded them of Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz. Like the little girl with the ruby slippers, a tornado ripped through our life, picked up our little family, and dropped us smack-dab in the middle of unfamiliar territory. Unlike the destructive Kansas storm, our tornado was not an act of nature, but rather was human caused.

Dorothy wasn't always comfortable on her yellow brick road, and many times she was afraid. But in the end, she learned valuable lessons and was grateful for the experience.

I want to say that I will forever appreciate the lessons I learned and the new friendships I forged during the oft-difficult journey. That, however, doesn't change the fact that our tornado was spawned by careless and thoughtless human beings. Our story is a cautionary tale to be sure.

I've watched as news of the Pennsylvania Sate sex scandal has dominated the news for the past few months. So many people - innocent people - have been caught up in the wake left by the evil actions (allegedly) of one sick man. My heart aches for the victims, their families, other coaches, students, and unsuspecting fans. I'm reminded, once again, that as we travel through life, we are like vessels on the sea. We leave behind wakes and waves that affect everyone with whom we share the journey.

Our devastating tornado hit when three people - three so-called friends - made assumptions, told lies, and stole the reputation I'd worked hard to build. I have no idea what motivates people to gossip and lie with the purpose of undermining another person. I do know, however, that psychologists will tell you that when they see this behavior, it most often stems from jealousies, insecurities, or just plain vengeance.

Our children were 11, 12, and 14 when we were literally kicked out of the church in which they'd been dedicated and raised. We'd made the decision to attend the same church as Tom's family so our children could be surrounded by aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents, and an untold number of extended family members. They loved Sunday School, kids choir, and the many and varied mid-week activities. I worked at the church, volunteered in a number of areas, and used my gifts and talents to begin a ministry through which I shared my heart.

And then the tornado hit.

I was accused of saying things I never said and doing things I never did. The fact I worked for the theatre was particularly frowned upon. Then, my 14 year old son was "too hard" for the Junior High pastor to deal with. I was told to take my family and leave the church we loved.

"It's time your family goes."

The world as we knew it changed. A tornado ripped it apart, and we were caught up in the wake left by actions, deeds, and the bad choices of others.

Even if the accusations were true, where was the grace and forgiveness that Christians preach about? Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me. But extend that same grace to another wretch? No way!

All my children knew was that they were no longer allowed to see any of their church friends. I tried to be strong, but overnight I lost every single friend with whom I'd shared fourteen years! The security of relationship was gone and I was dropped in the middle of an unfamiliar world.

Our church wasn't just a building with a threshold we crossed once or twice a week, it was our family, our support, our friends….a place called home. I cried every day for a whole year. It would be three years before I could drive by the church without crying.

I would never have betrayed my friends as they betrayed me. I don't think they'll ever understand the grave impact they had on my family.

Is it any wonder our children made the choice to walk away from church, from Christianity, and from God? Like me, our kids were left with empty holes and deep sadness. For a time they used drugs to fill those empty places. Why would they look to God or church when it was God's people - The Church - that caused excruciating pain?

I looked for forgiveness and grace from the people I'd been raised to believe would be the first to extend it, but I didn't find it there. I did find it, however, in the most unexpected of places.

I found unconditional love when it was showered on my daughter by the rehab counselors - most of whom belonged to a religious sect I'd been taught to fear. If I was Dorothy, then they were the lion that turned out to be our healer and protector. We found grace in the person of a tough parole officer who was a tin man with a heart of compassion. Parents of prodigals are like scarecrows - we stand watch over our children, but are sometimes unable to scare away the dark forces that come pecking away at their very souls. We are smart enough to know we can't do it on our own, and I'm blessed to now be surrounded by amazingly wise scarecrow parents.

Yes, I guess I'm a bit like Dorothy. I woke up in a scary strange land surrounded by people whose words and ways I didn't understand. I was initially alone in the dark place, but along the road I met people who showed me the way and who dared to walk with me. When the yellow brick road brought Tom and I back home, we found that no one else would ever really know what we'd seen or what we'd been through. Not even Uncle Henry or Auntie Em. There's no way we'll ever find the words to help them understand.

I know the advantages of moving forward and never looking back, but I implore you to stop occasionally, look behind you, and take note of all you're leaving in your wake. Are you leaving paths of peace, love, and comfort, or are you cutting deep swaths of drama, gossip fueled angst, hurt feelings, broken hearts, wounded trust, physical pain, or destroyed reputations?

Please, please take a moment to reflect back - back on the lives you've touched. Are people better for having known you? Are friends and strangers stronger, healthier, happier, and braver because of the moments, hours, days, or years they spent sharing life with you?

Are there people like us in your past - human beings you could've been kinder to, shown grace and compassion for, or perhaps could've stopped to help now and again? Did your gossip - no matter how true you thought your words might have been - cause someone else to judge a person harshly without benefit of the whole picture?

Please take a moment to look back. It's never too late to help clean up from a tornado you might have spawned. It's never to late to say, I'm sorry, Please forgive me, or I was wrong. Learn from our long and painful journey. We are a cautionary tale from which I pray others learn lessons about grace, compassion, and forgiveness.

I'll take a moment to look back.

UnChristian

Lest anyone who reads this is tempted to judge my motives, please know this...I love The Church. I believe The Church is the body of believers and not a building. I also know all too well that The Church's reputation is seriously broken - and deservedly so. I'm ashamed of the way we treat people we supposedly love.

I'm reading the book, UnChristian - What a new generation really thinks about Christianity...and why it matters by David Kinnaman and Gabe Lyons. This book has brought me to my knees. The title describes perfectly what this book is all about.

For the past ten years I've been speaking the truths that are spelled out in this timely book. However, I've been poo-pooed by naysayers. "Oh Liz, don't look to people. Just look to God." "Your personal experience is rare. The Church doesn't usually treat people the way you were treated."

Those naysayers are WRONG. My family's ordeal as it pertains to the church is NOT unusual, it is NOT rare, and it is NOT okay.

The Barna Group is a well respected evangelical Christian polling firm located in Ventura, California. UnChristian gives all the data it has collected from non-believers and Christ followers alike to explain why Christianity has an image problem. Oh boy, does it have an image problem.

People under the age of 29 have been particularly turned off by The Church. We think we can bring them back if we play a certain kind of music, or use cool graphics in our video presentations. Well, it's just not that simple. They're sick of hypocrisy and they crave (as I think we all do) authenticity.

In Luke 15 we read the story of The Prodigal Son. We Christians use that parable as the perfect picture of God's grace. I think that's true. However, we gloss over the older brother in the story. He is the picture of The Church. Don't miss this - he is THE CHURCH.

The older brother does not want the prodigal to receive grace. The older brother folds his arms, stomps his feet (my interpretation), and whines to his dad, Look! All these years I’ve been slaving for you and never disobeyed your orders. Yet you never gave me even a young goat so I could celebrate with my friends. But when this son of yours who has squandered your property with prostitutes comes home, you kill the fattened calf for him! Luke 15:29-30

We call one another, "brother" and "sister". But when someone messes up (or is accused of messing up), we refuse to call him "brother", but rather we say, "this son of yours". And by the way, that nasty older brother hadn't even spoken to his younger sibling, yet he assumed the prodigal "squandered your property with prostitutes".

I shouldn't have been surprised when I was accused of saying, doing, and thinking things I didn't say, do, or think. Jesus himself tells us in this parable that The Church WILL make assumptions about its very own brothers and sisters. Ugh. Shameful.

Again, I LOVE The Church. Grieve is a love word. You don't truly grieve the loss of something or someone unless you loved them. You might feel sympathy or sadness, but not grief. I grieve for The Church. My heart breaks for all the people out there who've been disenfranchised, kicked out, or damaged by the Pharisaical hypocrisy of The Church.

We're all broken. No one is better than anyone else. Love is such a simple word. Love is a powerful healer.