Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Forgive Me If I Have A Bad Day

-My parents divorced when I was 10
-I was in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship
-I came face to face with an evil spirit (who talked to me)
-My drug-addicted husband threatened to kill our unborn son
-The cops told me they could protect me, but not my child
-Strangers used drugs in my home
-A man with a gun sat outside my door – with my baby inside!
-I got divorced
-I was a single mom
-I was fired for something I didn’t do
-I was the subject of gossip and lies
-My children were the subject of gossip and lies
-My husband was fired
-We owned a business that ultimately failed
-We filed bankruptcy
-My best friend failed to defend me and chose my abuser over me – twice!
-My family was told to leave the church we loved (“Your son is too hard”)
-We lost our circle of friends (church loyalty?)
-My children were drug addicts
-Another marital separation!
-We kicked our son out of the house because of drugs
-I didn’t know where my son was for weeks at a time – dead or alive?
-My daughter was a drug-addicted run-away when she was 16
-I roamed the streets in search of my child
-I woke early every morning to staple “missing” posters to light poles
-I sat in the middle of a “crack” house and searched through needles and other drug paraphernalia in search of evidence that would lead me to my child
-Strangers stole from me
-I sat through numerous court dates and then watched my son go to jail, then prison
-We sent our daughter to a rehab hundreds of miles away (more debt…still paying)
-My family told me it was my fault my kids were drug addicts
-My family stopped inviting me to their homes
-I stopped inviting my family to my home
-We were forced to leave ANOTHER church we loved
-My body went through traumatic menopause without asking me
-I was told we were not welcome to ever come back to the church we had once loved as I work for the theatre, and therefore am a “danger to our reputation”
-I was “replaced” (a kind way of saying “fired”) in a job I was good at so they could go in a “new direction”
-I have family members who have cut me from their life completely
-My cousin tells me how to live my life because “God showed me things about you”
-Once, when I asked why no one offered to help me during hospitalizations, traumas, loss, etc… I was told, “Because you’re the strong one.”
-Now I have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, for those of you who hate acronyms)!


-I have stretch marks!

I’m tired. Each and every aforementioned event left a cut – some deep and all still in varying degrees of healing. So…forgive me if I have a bad day once in a while.


“For God loved the world so much that He gave his only son, so that WHOEVER (that’s ME!) believes in Him should not die, but have eternal life.”

1 comment:

  1. In the midst of overwhelming emotional suffering and pressure, Jesus looked to God with determination.

    "And being in anguish he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground" (Luke 22:44).

    Holy God, may my resolve to release my emotional pressure and to seek You be as earnest as Jesus' prayer. Amen.