Knowing…Seeing…Loving…Praying

I've always known I have a gift.  If I were a non-believer I might consider myself a psychic.  But I'm a Christ-follower and I know I have the gift of prophecy.  

My husband wonders if maybe it's a curse.  He says people just don't know what to do with me. I'm having a hard time finding my place in the family of God.

I remember the first time I became acutely aware of this gift.  I was around nine or ten years old.  My family was one of several families invited to a party at the home of Carolyn and John - a particularly beautiful and fabulous couple who'd led a charmed life.  John had been a record setting basketball player for the USC Trojans and then the New York Nicks.  His career had been side-lined when he was diagnosed with non-hodgkins lymphoma.  Aggressive treatment had saved his life.  Although he never returned to professional ball, the book about his life led to a vibrant ministry.

Their beautiful idyllic home was about 1/4 of a mile off the road and completely surrounded by trees. At one point during the party I remember sitting on the lawn and mindlessly picking at the grass.  Carolyn saw me, came up to me and gently chastised me.  "Please don't pick the grass.  I work hard to keep this beautiful".  

The word "fire" immediately popped into my head.  I remember thinking, "Carolyn would be very sad if her home burned down."  I started praying for John, Carolyn, and their kids.  "Lord, I pray that if anything happens to this home You would keep this family safe.  If this house burns down, help them escape."

Two weeks later that house burned to the ground.

When John and Carolyn shared the harrowing experience with the church family, I remember them telling how Carolyn had heard the baby crying and she got up to check on him.  As she walked down the hall to his room she saw the glowing embers of a fire.  When she got to the baby's room, he was sound asleep - not crying at all.  She believed God had awakened her.

This was back in the day before GPS and cell signals and because the house was so far off the road it took some time for the fire department to find the fire.  By the time they arrived, the house was fully involved and could not be saved.

I tried going back to the church I loved and an evil spirit warned me that I should go.

I was walking down the hall of church and I caught a flicker of light on the wall.  I turned to look and two red eyes jumped off the wall, came right up close to my face, looked menacingly into my eyes, then floated very quickly down the hall.  I smiled and thought, "wow satan, you really don't want me here."  

Within a few months I was forced to leave, as I detailed in my previous blog post.

It happens all the time - I "see" something and then I know how to pray.  I've seen spirits too.  Not just in Africa where you expect it, but in the eyes of my ex-husband, hovering above the bedroom doors in my home, jumping out of a painting on my wall, in the hallway at church, sitting on my couch…everywhere.

A little over a year ago our small group leader invited a "surprise" guest to my home.  I told my husband I was pretty sure the surprise would be a professed prophet, which did not please him as he doesn't do well being publicly put on the spot regarding religious things.  Sure enough, we spent that evening entertaining all the members of our small group, and the female prophet who identified the spirits living in my home.  That fact didn't surprise me as I believe good and bad lurk all around us.

After dinner, the seer went around the room and prophesied over each person.  Our small group leader is a teacher and Bible study author.  However, it was the woman sitting next to her on the couch for whom the prophetic words "teacher" and "bible study leader" were given.  At that moment, I saw a spirit walk into my home through the open patio door and sit between the two women.  I immediately silently prayed and asked God what that was.  "It's the spirit of jealousy".

I can't explain exactly what the spirit looked like or how I recognized it.  It just…was.

Whether it's seeing spirits, sensing a family member is in trouble, knowing where to find my run-away child, or simply knowing how to pray and for whom, I know I have a gift.  Like all spiritual gifts, it's supposed to be used for the edification of The Body of Christ.

The problem, however, is no one knows what to do with me.  My children have (mostly) learned to listen to me because my intuition is freaky, but I've most definitely been shunned by the very people who should be the most accepting. 

This is what I know for sure; "If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing." 1 Corinthians 13:2.  It's definitely a challenge to keep loving the very people who've condemned, judged, despised, and broken my family, but I DO love them and that's why what they say matters to me.  

So, is my gift a curse?  

Hope and Open Doors

Okay...I know, I know - I'm transparent to a fault. I accept that the vast majority of the world doesn't give a gnat's whisker about my life.

So why take the time to write this blog?

I write to remind myself of the many miracles that happen every day and around every corner. I write to encourage you who are lost and broken that wholeness can be yours. I am ETERNALLY optimistic and hopeful for restoration, reconciliation, healing, discovery, love, and goodness.

Some of our hard times have been uglier than most. I've seen the worst that humanity offers - drug dealers, hypocrites, liars, cheaters, manipulators, heartbreakers, and joy stealers. I've seen some of that ugly in the reflection of my own mirror.

This is what I know...God is still in the business of miracles!

On January 1, 2011, I had a sense that this year was going to be unlike any other for the Stoeckel Family. I told Tom and the kids that things were going to explode in a positive way, and that by the end of December, we'd all find ourselves in places we never expected - in a good way!

Okay, does all this sound a bit weird? You all have an inner voice that gives you direction and encouragement. For some of you it's God or spirituality, and some of you look to other resources for that inner peace. Giana said she keeps feeling that "summer will be awesome" and that changes would start during this season. It's only July 19, and I'm already seeing that "prophecy" coming true.

The doors of opportunity have flung open and Gia will soon be heading to South Africa to serve in long-term ministry. Yesterday good fortune smiled on Dallas, and he's heading to LA to start a new creative venture. Drew will soon be heading out on his second musical tour of the year. These are all amazing gifts to my kids - favors that were but dreams at the beginning of the year.

And me...I find myself working with people who've had a piece of my heart and a chunk of my love for many years, but from whom I've been estranged. Are things perfect? Of course not - we're human! Am I hopeful? YES!

Do I believe in restoration, miracles, recovery, and healing? Of course I do. If I didn't, I wouldn't pray for it on a daily basis!

There's still five more months to go before we see the end of this year. I still "see" more doors opening, greater good still to come, and surprising fabulousness on the horizon.