Saying Goodbye to Hate...Confessions From a Punching Bag

2016 was one for the record books for sure.  We lost creative icons, we elected a billionaire to the U.S. presidency, we deleted, blocked, or unfriended people with whom we disagree. We not only cut people from our social media feeds, but many refused to even spend the holidays with family because of opposing political views.

In 2016 we seemed to be obsessed with hate.  We spread it, wrote about it, spoke against it, produced it, and lamented about it.

We can be so mean.

I’ve been living in a culture of hate for most of my life.  It’s very simply been a fact I came to expect and tolerate.  Donald Trump is, in my opinion and experience, NOT an anomaly.  Rather, he is a reflection of who we are as American humans.  We make fun of people, call one another hurtful names, jump to conclusions, put ourselves in bright and shiny lights while dimming the value of others, and spread hurtful and untrue gossip.

I can’t change the world, but this punching bag is standing up to the hatred once and for all.  I’m sick of it! 

My husband told me last week that I was living my life as if I’d done something wrong and I needed to stop it!  He’s RIGHT!  There’s a long list of places I won’t go because people quite simply hate me and have made me feel unworthy.  That list includes churches, businesses, neighborhoods, and a hookah bar.  The most hurtful hate has come from my Christian “family”.  I believed that God had put people in authority over me and I was taught to submit to said authority.  I believed that the “hard” people were there to teach me grace, mercy, forgiveness and love.

And while I still believe those things to a degree, I’m angry that I’ve allowed myself to take on and believe their shit! 

I AM DONE! 

I was dumped by one “friend” because I DARED to show compassion for the Black Lives Matter folks in my Facebook feed.  What part of “ALL lives matter” do you not get?  The fact that you twisted what I said and made it about YOU, is not my problem – it’s your problem.  I won’t take on your hate.  You don’t like me.  You don’t agree with my opinions.  You think I agree with everything YOU think and say?  No way!  BUT, I understand that opinions are formed by experience, education, and emotion and I would NEVER have cut you out of my life just because I disagreed with you.  I loved you.  I NEVER made your opinions about ME!

I was accused of thinking horrible things about certain people because I quoted a statistic from a book.  Let that sink in…A STATISTIC FROM A BOOK!  I personally feel compelled to help the needy with my prayers, good thoughts, AND expendable income.  That does NOT make me a bad person.  No, I do NOT expect others to feel as I do nor do I condemn anyone else for the way they spend their dollars. 

I want ME back.  I am sick of living my life like I did something wrong just because someone decided they wanted to believe the worst about me. 

This:

-To the pastor I loved, admired, and thought the world of: NO, I NEVER EVER EVER lied to you!  You were wrong, plainly and simply wrong!

-No, I did not tell a family member anything unkind about you and did NOT deserve that hateful email.

-No, I did NOT put a hit out on you.  You’ve hated me for years and you’ve told multiple lies about me.  I was simply sitting in the church pew listening to the teaching when I suddenly realized you were standing guard behind me – arms folded, eyes strained on me.  What is your problem?  Enough is enough! 

-No, God did not “close the door of opportunity” for you to confront the afore mentioned crazy woman.  The God who made “don’t lie” one of His top 10 would never close the door of opportunity to tell the truth! 

-To the church leader: how dare you refuse to serve me communion at church just because your wife is filled with hatred for me. 

-To the pastor of the big church on the corner:  Simply standing on that enormous stage and teaching the ways of Jesus isn’t enough.  Do you not think it’s important to practice what you preach?  I don’t think it’s crazy to expect that when your leadership team speaks from that pulpit about reconciliation, that they also PRACTICE the same.  Church has NEVER been a safe place for our family – NEVER!

-To the LONG list of people who've said judgmental, cruel and untrue things about my children - unless you're in the arena getting your ass kicked, I don't need your feedback!

-To the pastor who told me I was on a “dangerous path” because I wouldn’t submit to verbal abuse and lies – you are WRONG.  Period!

I can’t change the hateful, but I can change me.  I’ll continue to show love to those with whom I disagree.  I will also SPEAK against the lies.  I DESERVE to be defended – even if only by me.

2016 was hard for many of us.  Enough is enough.  I can’t change the world, but I can stand against the hatred in my world.  I’m tired of being your punching bag.