Hollywood producer, Robert Evans writes in his autobiography
(The Kid Stays in the Picture) about
surviving Hollywood’s worst gossip, lies, and character attacks. He was able to just brush off what
people said about him, apparently subscribing to the adage, “what people think
about me is none of my business”. Besides,
he was no saint. It took, however,
just one horrible egregious lie by actress Sharon Stone to cause him to have a
heart attack. The sexy star falsely accused Evans of murder.
Words matter. Anyone who says, “They’re just words – ignore
them” has never suffered true character assassination by a cruel person
wielding the ax of gossip and lies.
Over the course of the past few months I’ve suffered
numerous anxiety attacks. Once I
left a partially filled cart in the grocery store, and another time I carried
my unstamped (and therefore unsent) packages out of the post office. No, I haven’t been accused of murder,
but I HAVE been accused of putting a hit out on a former friend. A HIT!!
The accusation has been affirmed and confirmed. This woman has made a myriad of crazy
allegations against me over the years.
She once accused me of threatening her entire family, so this isn’t new.
I have confronted her about her
allegations and gossip. She sat
across a table from me, pointed her finger in my face, and told me she had
proof that I was “weak”, a “victim-wannabe” and then added, “I have no choice but to assume you’re
jealous of me.”
But putting a hit out on her? She has insisted that her informant was a “reliable source”.
Now on one hand, I finally understand all the strange things
that have been going on whenever I showed up at the church in which she is a
leader and teacher. Her husband
denied me communion, she herself snubbed, shunned, and walked away from me
whenever I got close enough to say hello.
One day she even stood with her arms folded behind me during a church
service while I sat innocently in my seat listening to the sermon. I don’t think her eyes ever left
me. Finally, I became so
uncomfortable that I left.
On the other hand, what kind of a person makes this kind of
crazy accusation?
As soon as I confirmed the truth of the situation, I
contacted a pastor at the church who knows my history with this woman. I was looking for counsel on how to
deal with this new accusation. The
pastor told me to “keep your mouth shut and let God be your defender”.
Listen, I’ve written ad nauseam about the damage this woman
and her friends have caused my family.
We don’t deserve this! If
saying those words out loud makes me a “victim-wannabe” then so be it!
The fact that this woman and her friends are Christians is
relevant ONLY in that when there is conflict, we are supposed to confront one
another in love and for the purpose of reconciliation (Matthew 18). It is NOT okay – EVER – to spread
gossip or to LIE.
The attacks from this woman and her friends have done
life-altering damage to my family and me.
I lost so much – a job, a best friend, an entire church family, and my
kids lost their faith. I do NOT
blame The Church for the bad choices or for the dark path my kids took. I do, however, believe that we ALL do
things we wish we hadn’t done when we are in deep never-ending pain.
Like us, our kids lost every friend they had when we were
originally kicked out of this woman’s church, AND they watched as their mother
was knocked down and beat up again and again by our family “friends”. They watched me seek restoration with
these Christian friends (many times), only to be told that because I worked for
The Theatre, I was a danger to their reputation. It was devastating for ALL of us.
Are we victims?
NO!! We’re survivors. But here’s a fact: For every action
there’s a reaction. My kids walked
away from The Church, from God, and from their faith because of how we as a
family were treated. The ugliness
towards us has NEVER ended and no matter how deep my faith is nothing can
change the fact that my kids have seen (and are seeing) so much ugly.
These people caused deep unnecessary pain and we
suffered. We truly felt as if one
day we were out riding our bicycles on a beautiful warm day when out of nowhere
a semi-truck deliberately ran us over.
And then, to add insult to injury, we were blamed for riding our bikes –
for being human.
You know, when a Christian mom and dad lose a child to disease
or sudden accident that family is embraced, loved and never forgotten. But, I’ve had people stop me at church to tell me my kids “deserved
to be kicked out of church”, and will “never be saved”. Ummm….so, if (according to you) my kids
are dead in Christ, where is your compassion? Where are your prayers and friendship? Why am I shunned?
Some of you have expressed a great deal of impatience with
me. “Move on.” “Let it go.”
“Ignore these people.” I move on and the gossip follows
me! I’m tired of you telling me that
I’M a bad witness. Just by telling
our story? You have no problem
talking about the evils of the Westboro Baptist Church, or denouncing the
Sudanese for sentencing a Christian woman to death for her beliefs. But, I share our story of abuse in the
name of religion and I’M a bad witness.
Is there no one who sees that as hypocritical?
Am I still bemoaning something that happened years ago? No!! I’m frustrated that YEARS LATER these people continue to rip
at my family and no one will defend, affirm, or protect us!
The Barna group has written books about how The Church has
driven away an entire generation of young people. David Kinneman wrote (or co-wrote) “You Lost Me” and
“UnChristian” and preachers teach the truths from these books in churches all over
the country. Another book
detailing the disconnect between what we say and what we do is “The Hole in our
Gospel” by Richard Stearns. And
yet I DARE to tell our story – to put names and faces on the anecdotes we read
in books, and I’m shamed.
Because you profess to be a Christian, you have a
responsibility to me just as I have to you. I firmly believe that if ONE person had stood up with
courage and told the truth years ago, we would not be in this scary place
today. This woman and her friends
have been allowed to terrorize my family, and no one speaks up.
Perhaps I’ve misread the Bible. Perhaps the God of mercy, grace, forgiveness, and
unconditional love is not real at all.
Perhaps He IS a judgmental, condemning, hate-filled being who really does
not want me in His kingdom – just as you don’t want me in your church.
Perhaps. But I
KNOW who Jesus is, and guess what? He loves my family. It is HIS desire that we spend eternity
with Him. I will CONTINUE to be a
Christ-follower because I know the Son of God. I know his character, his compassion, his mercy, his grace,
his miraculous works, and his unconditional love.
Robert Evans wrote a check to Sharon Stone for
$250,000. That check is hers if
she can corroborate one word of her heinous story. I’ll make the same offer - $250,000 to this woman who has
made this horrendous accusation against me if she can prove I put a hit out on
her! Come see me, and bring
your “reliable source”. The money
is yours – unless I first spend it all on therapy and anti-anxiety meds.
