I thought I'd post a copy of the Christmas letter I sent out to family and friends. And hey...in case I hadn't mentioned it enough...I have GREAT kids!! They are brave, beautiful, talented, good, kind people. They have learned lessons the hard way - but they have LEARNED :) How great is that!!
Anyway...here's the letter:
"I can’t believe it’s January 1, 2008! Is it too late to send out Christmas cards? Well…I’m doin’ it ☺
December was a busy month what with Liz appearing in “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” at The Second Space Theatre, and directing the Candlelight program at Northwest Church. Tom was busy wrapping up the year at work, playing drums for Candlelight, and preparing for a few weeks off.
This won’t be the traditional “look at what we’ve accomplished this year” kind of letter. Honestly, aren’t you kind of sick of those? Anybody who knows us knows we’ve faced a few challenges. We were humbled and grateful for the simple pleasure of spending Christmas morning with all three of our children and knowing that right here and right now they are safe and healthy. That in and of itself is a true Christmas miracle!
As we look toward a brand new year I ask that you remember to pray for all the moms whose sons are in prison, for the parents whose children are lost in a world of drugs or alcohol, for the teen runaway and their heartsick family, and for children whose mommies and daddies are separated from them by prison walls – whether real or emotional. Disgrace is what we do to each other, but Grace is God’s gift to every one of us! How cool is that!?
Happy New Year from The Stoeckel Family"
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Monday, January 7, 2008
Empty Nest
After Rose's funeral yesterday Tom borrowed a friend's van and we loaded up the last of Giana's belongings and moved everything across town to our daughter's new home. She is SO excited about FINALLY moving out on her own and she is lucky to have friends with whom she can share this new chapter of her life. The house Gia has moved into is very large, in a nice neighborhood, and reasonably priced :)
Of course there is a part of me that says, "Hey, I worked my butt off to save your life and now you're repaying me by moving out?" But, as I told Giana last night, I fought for her so she could be at this place in her life - so she could have the opportunity to grow up, move out on her own, and experience all that life has for her. She said, "That's right! I got to grow up and be awesome. I'm awesome!" Yes, you are awesome, Giana!
Okay, so this is a new chapter for me. All the children are gone. I don't know how to not have kids around. I don't know who I am if I'm not a 24 hour a day mom. I know...I'm still the mom. The house is quiet, the rooms are empty, and I don't know what exactly to do now. I "get" to do things for me now, but what does that look like? I've got no idea.
Of course there is a part of me that says, "Hey, I worked my butt off to save your life and now you're repaying me by moving out?" But, as I told Giana last night, I fought for her so she could be at this place in her life - so she could have the opportunity to grow up, move out on her own, and experience all that life has for her. She said, "That's right! I got to grow up and be awesome. I'm awesome!" Yes, you are awesome, Giana!
Okay, so this is a new chapter for me. All the children are gone. I don't know how to not have kids around. I don't know who I am if I'm not a 24 hour a day mom. I know...I'm still the mom. The house is quiet, the rooms are empty, and I don't know what exactly to do now. I "get" to do things for me now, but what does that look like? I've got no idea.
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
Good-bye Rose
Rose died today. And so another chapter of life closes and a new one begins. For Rose's wonderful husband and her three beautiful children the rest of their story will be written without Rose by their side. She invested all her heart and soul into Mac, Luke, Chelsea, and Jeremy so I know they'll always have her with them.
Thank you Rose for the encouragement you gave me. I'll never forget those days so long ago - sweating together at the gym, sharing kind words over coffee, singing together in choir, and swapping clothes between our toddlers. You had the most beautiful smile in the whole world!
Thank you Rose for the encouragement you gave me. I'll never forget those days so long ago - sweating together at the gym, sharing kind words over coffee, singing together in choir, and swapping clothes between our toddlers. You had the most beautiful smile in the whole world!
Sunday, December 30, 2007
Discarded Christmas Trees
Today I saw a discarded Christmas tree – still trimmed with tinsel – lying in the gutter near my house. The Christmas tree is the focal point of the Christmas decorations and once it has served its purpose it is unceremoniously discarded. I don’t know…that fact struck me as a bit sad.
I know that the dumping of the Christmas tree is as much a part of the holiday tradition as carols, shopping, and for many of us – celebrating the birth of Christ. However, today I was reminded of just how short the life expectancy of the Christmas tree really is.
The life cycle of the Christmas tree (once it becomes a full grown tree of course) begins with the searching out and discovery of the perfect evergreen. Each and every year our family piles into the car and makes the extremely short trek to our favorite tree lot. Okay, so it doesn’t have the same romantic appeal as cross country skiing into the wilderness to chop down our own pine tree, but the tree hunt and purchase is a cherished family tradition. This year only two of the three grown children were in on the tree buying, the lot had moved a mile east, and we each drove our own car to the lot (no piling this year), but the sacred tradition lives on.
The Christmas tree is special because it’s branches hold more than lights and glass balls – those branches hold memories. Who doesn’t love the Rudolf ornament made from a light bulb and topped off with pipe cleaner antlers? I own several macaroni snowflakes and tiny red felt Santa hats, and for many, many years those hand made creations adorned each and every Christmas tree that made it into our home. After all, tiny hands lovingly glued those macaroni pieces together and those ornaments are priceless to me! Once the tree is decorated we display the brightly colored packages beneath its branches and on Christmas morning we gather around the evergreen centerpiece and make new memories. Yes, the tree has an important and unique role to play in the holiday spectacle.
As soon as the crinkled paper is ripped of the presents, the sugar cookies are inhaled, and “A Christmas Story” is watched for the 42nd time, the Christmas tree’s importance comes to an end. There’s no place for it to go now…except the gutter. Kinda sad, don’t ya think?
I know that the dumping of the Christmas tree is as much a part of the holiday tradition as carols, shopping, and for many of us – celebrating the birth of Christ. However, today I was reminded of just how short the life expectancy of the Christmas tree really is.
The life cycle of the Christmas tree (once it becomes a full grown tree of course) begins with the searching out and discovery of the perfect evergreen. Each and every year our family piles into the car and makes the extremely short trek to our favorite tree lot. Okay, so it doesn’t have the same romantic appeal as cross country skiing into the wilderness to chop down our own pine tree, but the tree hunt and purchase is a cherished family tradition. This year only two of the three grown children were in on the tree buying, the lot had moved a mile east, and we each drove our own car to the lot (no piling this year), but the sacred tradition lives on.
The Christmas tree is special because it’s branches hold more than lights and glass balls – those branches hold memories. Who doesn’t love the Rudolf ornament made from a light bulb and topped off with pipe cleaner antlers? I own several macaroni snowflakes and tiny red felt Santa hats, and for many, many years those hand made creations adorned each and every Christmas tree that made it into our home. After all, tiny hands lovingly glued those macaroni pieces together and those ornaments are priceless to me! Once the tree is decorated we display the brightly colored packages beneath its branches and on Christmas morning we gather around the evergreen centerpiece and make new memories. Yes, the tree has an important and unique role to play in the holiday spectacle.
As soon as the crinkled paper is ripped of the presents, the sugar cookies are inhaled, and “A Christmas Story” is watched for the 42nd time, the Christmas tree’s importance comes to an end. There’s no place for it to go now…except the gutter. Kinda sad, don’t ya think?
Saturday, December 8, 2007
The Epidemic of Aloneness
Turn on any daytime talk show or morning news show, and it won't be long before some professional is talking about the latest epidemic to strike our nation - depression, obesity, pornography, drug and alcohol abuse, overspending, video games.... and the list goes on and on. I submit to you that the epidemic at the core of most all the other ills among the human race is the epidemic of aloneness. Aloneness is different from loneliness. One can be lonely while surrounded by many, but aloneness happens when life is devoid of human interaction.
Technology is wonderful, but I don't think there's any doubt that technology has led to more and more of us spending time away from the company of other humans. According to a 2001 study by the Bureau of Labor Statistics there were 19.8 million Americans working from home (teleworkers) in non-agricultural jobs. In that study it was estimated that by the end of 2004 there would be over 30 million American teleworkers. Given the way tech jobs have exploded, I would guess that we surpassed that estimation. I would further guess that by now there must be 40+ million people working from home in a non-agricultural tech business.
So, all those teleworkers are spending the majority of their day with little, if any, human interaction. Of course many of the at-home workers may have a spouse and children, but kids go to school and the spouse may work outside of the home. I believe that even those with families spend the majority of their day alone. Besides, it's so easy to return to the work and ignore the family when work and home happen under the same roof.
Every few years a study is done to find the happiest people on earth. We always discover that the most happy, most content people are those who have little in the way of monetary wealth, but are surrounded by families and communities of people. The happiest people on the planet are those who work hard, share much, and are rarely alone.
Is it any wonder that we are addicted to drugs, food, pornography, and many and varied forms of media and technology? Many of us are alone for much of our day and we are trying to fill the natural need for human interaction with unhealthy substitutes. Aloneness stinks!!
Technology is wonderful, but I don't think there's any doubt that technology has led to more and more of us spending time away from the company of other humans. According to a 2001 study by the Bureau of Labor Statistics there were 19.8 million Americans working from home (teleworkers) in non-agricultural jobs. In that study it was estimated that by the end of 2004 there would be over 30 million American teleworkers. Given the way tech jobs have exploded, I would guess that we surpassed that estimation. I would further guess that by now there must be 40+ million people working from home in a non-agricultural tech business.
So, all those teleworkers are spending the majority of their day with little, if any, human interaction. Of course many of the at-home workers may have a spouse and children, but kids go to school and the spouse may work outside of the home. I believe that even those with families spend the majority of their day alone. Besides, it's so easy to return to the work and ignore the family when work and home happen under the same roof.
Every few years a study is done to find the happiest people on earth. We always discover that the most happy, most content people are those who have little in the way of monetary wealth, but are surrounded by families and communities of people. The happiest people on the planet are those who work hard, share much, and are rarely alone.
Is it any wonder that we are addicted to drugs, food, pornography, and many and varied forms of media and technology? Many of us are alone for much of our day and we are trying to fill the natural need for human interaction with unhealthy substitutes. Aloneness stinks!!
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
Relationship Precedes Truth
I once knew someone who was a master at dispensing little tidbits of Spiritual truth, gold nuggets of wisdom, or annoying bumper sticker-isms. I will say, however, that his wife was even better at it then he was. Pearls of Wisdom would flow from her mouth like a chocolate waterfall at the Willy Wonka Factory. I was recently reminded of one of “Mr. Gold Nugget’s” favorites; Relationship precedes Truth.
I get that - relationship precedes truth. If you have a really good friend and someone comes to you and tells you your friend has done something questionable, your experience with that person - your relationship – will help you decide whether to accept or reject what you’ve heard about them. If you know someone who has never been anything other than open and honest with you, then you will most likely have trouble believing that person is capable of lying or manipulating you – or anyone else. If you hear some gossip about someone you are close to, you will dig deep into your memory bank, withdraw from the vast wealth of deposits you each have made into your relationship, and you will either accept or deny the validity of the gossip. We’ve all known people who exaggerate and stretch the truth, so it’s easy to take what they say with a small grain of salt because we know them - Relationship Precedes Truth.
Well, I got to thinking, what would supercede truth? What blinds us to truth? It seems to me that the list is so long that all relationships are in danger of being broken. No matter how valid or important a relationship is or has been, it can be shattered when truth is crushed by greed, sexual desire, jealousy, blind ambition, insecurities, or any number of the myriad of human traits that cause us problems!
I have trusted what I thought was truth in a number of broken relationships. I hung on for a very long time to the fact that the love I had known was “truth” and could not be broken. But, the fact is, truth can be crushed. Why do we allow it? Because humans are faulty? That's a cop-out. Again, why do we allow it?
I get that - relationship precedes truth. If you have a really good friend and someone comes to you and tells you your friend has done something questionable, your experience with that person - your relationship – will help you decide whether to accept or reject what you’ve heard about them. If you know someone who has never been anything other than open and honest with you, then you will most likely have trouble believing that person is capable of lying or manipulating you – or anyone else. If you hear some gossip about someone you are close to, you will dig deep into your memory bank, withdraw from the vast wealth of deposits you each have made into your relationship, and you will either accept or deny the validity of the gossip. We’ve all known people who exaggerate and stretch the truth, so it’s easy to take what they say with a small grain of salt because we know them - Relationship Precedes Truth.
Well, I got to thinking, what would supercede truth? What blinds us to truth? It seems to me that the list is so long that all relationships are in danger of being broken. No matter how valid or important a relationship is or has been, it can be shattered when truth is crushed by greed, sexual desire, jealousy, blind ambition, insecurities, or any number of the myriad of human traits that cause us problems!
I have trusted what I thought was truth in a number of broken relationships. I hung on for a very long time to the fact that the love I had known was “truth” and could not be broken. But, the fact is, truth can be crushed. Why do we allow it? Because humans are faulty? That's a cop-out. Again, why do we allow it?
Thursday, November 1, 2007
Sometimes People Are Just Mean
Some people have jobs where they are required to be mean to people - cops, administrators, bill collectors. I understand this, I accept this, and I acknowledge that it is sometimes necessary to draw a line in the sand and say, "that's the way it is"...period!
An excruciatingly painful thing happened to my daughter (and thus the whole family) six years ago. I just got off the phone with a very cold and heartless woman who brought every ounce of pain back to the surface. I am a completely innocent party who was just trying to get through my life one day at a time and suddenly I'm faced with having to deal with something that I thought was done six years ago! And sadly, the "human being" on the other end of the phone read the lines of her script beautifully and with just the right mix of loathing and disdain.
Maybe it is the job that has made people mean. Maybe some people are just mean!
An excruciatingly painful thing happened to my daughter (and thus the whole family) six years ago. I just got off the phone with a very cold and heartless woman who brought every ounce of pain back to the surface. I am a completely innocent party who was just trying to get through my life one day at a time and suddenly I'm faced with having to deal with something that I thought was done six years ago! And sadly, the "human being" on the other end of the phone read the lines of her script beautifully and with just the right mix of loathing and disdain.
Maybe it is the job that has made people mean. Maybe some people are just mean!
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